DVA Activities>

01/03/2003
DUM... DING... DONG.....
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. and Mrs. America, and all ships at sea..... Wally Whacko reporting for World Radio....
Under a complete veil of secrecy over the last two weeks, Delta CEO, the timelessly beautiful Sandy Stow, her Chief Pilot/Training Officer/and all around good guy John Cantera have once again prepared for the GREAT AUSSIE AIR RACE.
As last year, Delta will enter the beautiful museum quality DC-3 in the continental race starting in Melbourn tomorrow. A wet leased 747-400 carried the race ready DC-3 in her belly with wings removed, and provided a first class pampering for the DC-3 aircraft and her crew enroute to Australia.
The mechanics for the race are hand picked by Ms. Stow herself. The crew chief is Wilbur Whacho. The chief mechanic is William Whacko, the #1 engine tuner is Watson Whacko, and the #2 engine tuner is Woodrow Whacko. Flight logistics will be by Wilma Whacko.
The flight deck crew will be led by John Cantera, Chief Pilot/Training officer/and all around good guy, and once again, the right seat pilot is a complete mystery. WHO WILL BE IN THE RIGHT SEAT AT THE END OF THIS YEARS RACE?????
John Cantera is anxious to avenge last years second place finish, just 4 minutes short of that lying cheating dog... opps... er.... I mean the gentleman who ultimately prevailed.
So stay tuned. The race is about to begin, and World Radio has exclusive reporting rights for Delta.
Wally Whacko reporting....
DUM...... DING....... DONG......

A photo of the beautiful Delta DC-3 is seen just before loading for the trip to Australia....

03/03/2003
DUM.... DING.... DONG.....
Hello Mr. and Mrs. Oz, and all ships at sea. FLASH....
Wally Whacko reporting on the early stages of the "GAR". For those of you unfamiliar with this event, it would rightly be called a rally or perhaps a flying efficiency event. It's certainly anything but a race. BEST time on LEAST fuel is the way to the winners circle.
Regardless, our DC-3 Ship "41" got off to a poor start. The ship gulped fuel like Chris Watt gulps beer. After the first leg, the Captain, Delta's beloved Chief Pilot, Training Officer, and all around good guy John Cantera, quickly traced the problem to the #1 and #2 engine tuners. It seems that the Whacko brothers, Watson and Woodrow, got confused as to which engine was #1 and which was #2. It was noted that John fixed the problem himself on the tarmac by planting a Fosters beer can on the upside portion of Woodrow's head. (What a hell of a waste of beer.) Since Watson Whacko was last seen running toward the security gate calling for something that sounded like "mama", it's safe to say that we will not see Watson for the duration of this event.
On other issues, the engines have been re-tuned and the second and third legs on Sunday were significantly better. Our beloved crew now rests in second place overall with a LOT of flying left.
This year the event started in Melbourne and goes "clockwise" around the continent. Last year, the event started in Darwin, and went "counter-clockwise" (I believe that's "anti-clockwise" in Oz speak). Ship "41" has been restocked with Fosters, and is already off on todays legs. While holding a cup of Sandy's morning tea, John felt alert and ready to go on todays legs. Sadly, that's the last he'll have of Sandy's tea until Queensland.
But alas, soldier on boys, soldier on....
Wally Whacko reporting for World Radio. Film at eleven....
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06/03/2003
FLASH......
Mr and Mrs. Australia, and all ships at sea.....
FLASH.... DUM.................... DING............... DONG...............
Wally Whacko reporting again for World Radio.....
Well, here we are after completion of leg #7 in the GAR at Adelaide. Our beloved Cheif Pilot, Training Officer and all around nice guy, John Cantera, has been doing a masterful job of directing the air race crew. We have, however, had the misfortune of being the victim of a what seems to be a sinister plot masterminded by Osama... WHOOPS... wrong story... OK, ready now.
We have, however, had the misfortune of being the victim of a what seems to be a sinister plot to sabotage the aircraft and even STEAL an entire engine. The attempt at sabotage came two nights ago. In checking the aircraft before takeoff, John noticed that the last of the Fosters stores had been stolen and replaced with lead bars. Since lead bars are hard to digest, they were removed without incident, and the aircraft was deemed flyable. There was a slight delay in T/O time due to the need for for some additional stores to be brought to the A/C from the FBO. (For the price of a little fuel, you can buy stubbies anywhere down here.)
Last night, an attempt was made to STEAL an engine. The aircraft was discovered with #1 engine cowl removed, and most of the engine mounting bolts were loosened and an engine crane was parked close by. A witness said that a sinister figure was observed working near our beautiful ship "41". The witness was not able to identify the person, but did note that he thought it was a bit unusual that the person had a Fosters can imbedded in the upside area of his head. The witness didn't think that was stange at the time. Investigation continues.....
Who is trying to sabotage ship "41"?????? Who is trying to steal our parts??????? The boss lady had ordered that secret decoder rings shall be worn by the race crew until further notice.
No film at eleven, but tune in anyway.......
DUM...... DING......... DONG...............
Wally Whacko reporting for World Radio.....


10/03/2003
FLASH......
Mr and Mrs. Australia, and all ships at sea.....
FLASH.... DUM.................... DING............... DONG...............
Wally Whacko reporting again for World Radio.....
Leg 11 of the GAR was completed earlier today, March 8th. The inbound flight to Ayers Rock was quite lovely in the great weather we've been having lately. The race crew, led by John Cantera, chief Pilot, Training Officer, and all around nice guy, have been mounting a charge for the gold. The plot thickens, however.
Additional sabotage attempts continue. Our gas supplies at Ayers Rock have been stolen. This is the suspected work of New Yorkers who are not satisfied with Hillary lately. For those of you who missed that earlier item, a commuter, on his way home from work in NYC came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even moving." He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars, so he rolls down his window and asks, "Officer, what's the holdup?" The officer replies, "Hillary Clinton is just so depressed about all the New Yorkers making her the butt of so many jokes, she stopped her motorcade in the middle of the freeway and she's threatening to douse herself in gasoline and set herself on fire. She says her husband is running around on her more than ever and the Democrats told her to forget about the presidency in 2004. So we're taking up a collection for her." The commuter asks, "Oh really? How much have you got so far?" The officer replies, "About 4 1/2 gallons, but a lot of folks are still siphoning, and we hear a large load of avgas is on it's way from Australia."
The crew has sent urgent messages to DVA's timelessly beautiful CEO, Sandy Stow, requesting assistance with the FBO operators at Ayers Rock to supply fuel for the next leg. No work yet on that result. Depressed with the theft of the entire Foster's supply, the Captain has also asked for a large tank of Sandy's morning tea to fill the void. Our intrepid crew forges onward. Photo at eleven. (Ship "41" departs Alice Springs for Ayers Rock)
FLASH.... DUM.................... DING............... DONG...............
Wally Whacko reporting for World Radio.....




14/03/2003FLASH......
Mr and Mrs. Oz, and all ships at sea.....
FLASH.... DUM.................... DING............... DONG...............
Wally Whacho reporting from The Great Aussie Air Race.
Well, here we are at the end of leg #19 of 37. Our elite air race crew (what's left of them anyway) has closed the gap to less than hour after some unfortunate early beginnings. It has become necessary to sleep on the wing of the plane to protect our parts and equipment from what seems to be sinister plot to remove our intrepid crew from this race. For instance, just this last trip, it was discovered during the flight that the Fosters stores were empty. To save weight, the chief mechanic William Whacko discharged the empty cans through the cargo door. It was later reported on the ground that this move resulted in the deaths of several platypus, one unconfirmed Dugong, a Tasmanian Devil, and two Bandicoot.
Our crew has disputed this allegation citing that the best smart bombs couldn't be that accurate, let alone a large number of aluminum cans all dropped at random (allegedly).....
The Australian authorities are inclined to agree, and continue looking for the #2 engine tuner is Woodrow Whacko. Woodrow was last seem with a Fosters can imbedded in the upside portion of head.... The remarkably beautiful Sandy Stow has rushed immediate aid to the beleaguered air race crew. One new engine is on the way and and a complete "re-load" of Sandy's morning tea will replace the Fosters cargo. Captain Cantera expects an increase of 4.62654869 knots as a result of this weight saving move. Since the Fosters caused some members of the crew to expell gas, a consultant has been called in to determine if the body becomes lighter after expelling gas (since it has mass and weight) or if the body becomes heavier since the gas is lighter than air. While pondering these and other questions, ....
I am Wally Whacko reporting....
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25/03/2003
Progress Report - Great Australian Air Race
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Attention Mr. and Mrs. Oz and all ships at sea. This is Wally Whacko reporting from Oz for World Radio............
DA............. DIT............. DIT................. DA..................
The race crew, led by John Cantera, chief Pilot, Training Officer, and allaround nice guy, have been mounting a charge for the gold. We are in GrooteEylandt, a small field on a little island in the Northern Territory ending leg 27 of 38 legs. We had our problems in the beginning, but we have stedily moved up since. Our Captain has called for the one and only spare engine allowed, since the #1 engine has been running well, but has also become increasingly harder to start and keep cool. I'm told the spare will be waiting at Cairns, Queensland, just a few legs from now.
Because of their progress, the crew have been named the Whacky Wace Crew. The crew is stocking up on "stubbies" and making last minute checks for further sabotage and stolen parts. The crew have uncovered disguised lead weights, disguised blow up dolls, tainted avgas (sent to Hillary) and hostage demands from Osama. Through it all, the timelessly beautiful Sandy Stow, our beloved boss lady, (Wally licking boots as fast as he can) has done everything possible to accomodate the intrepid Wachy Wacers.
Will it be the thrill of victory or the angony of a near miss. Can they snatch victory from the jaws of defeat? Can they soar with eagles when they have to work with turkeys????? Can they fly straight after drinking too many "stubbies"??? WHOOPS.... Sorry.... Didn't mean to say that part......
Tune in next time for our first broadcast from Queensland. (Named appropriately for our timelessly beautiful boss lady)
Film at eleven.....
Wally Whacko reporting for World Radio.....
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1/04/2003
FLASH.... DUM.................... DING............... DONG...............
Mr. and Mrs. America, Mr. and Mrs. OZ, and all ships at sea...
BREAK....
FLASH.....
Wally Whacko reporting for World Radio from Melbourne Oz ..
The Great Aussie Air Race has once again ended. Melbourne, to Melbourne, counter clockwise around Australia. The beautiful museum quality Delta DC-3, ship "41" was pushed to the limits by Captain John Cantera, our beloved chief pilot, training officer, and all around nice guy. However, the best that could be mustered was a close 5th place finish. Here comes the Captain now... Let me see if I can pull him in for an interview.... "Oh, ah, hey, John will you talk to us a minute?"
"Sure Wally... What's up?"" Well John, what was the turning point in this years race?"" Well Wally, we got off to a tough start. Our crew this year was chosen by someone else, and I had an engine tuner who couldn't find the #1 engine. After we got that all straightened out things got better until the sabotage started, the beer ration dissappeared, our parts were being stolen, and our aircraft was being weighed down with lead. Despite all that, we managed to soldier on...."
"I understand, John, that there have been reprocussions from the top... ""Well Wally, I don't like to make accusations, but it seems that despite my begging, song writing, and wishful thinking, the boss lady, the fabulously beautiful Ms. Stow, would not fly with us. She failed to deliver on the morning tea as promised in Cairns, and we suffered her retorts for flying with a roo. She also had the hot tub, the wet bar, and the fireplace removed from my office.... HOWEVER, Wally, I'm sure that if I overlook a certain crash report and do a little more boot licking, I'll be forgiven."
"John, what will you do with the race crew for next year?"" Well Wally, there won't be a next year for them. All of them, especially the worthless Wanda Whacko, will be ejected over the Pacific on the return trip due to start tomorrow."" John, are you going back to work as soon as you arrive back at Atlanta and stow the DC-3?"" No Wally... I'm going to Disney World. I'm not sure why, but Tanya Harding said I should go."
"I have to run now, Wally, the boss lady's limo is pulling up." "John, are you expecting a scene from the boss lady?" "No Wally, but I'm sure some significant groveling on my part will be involved....."
Well, there you have it folks. The 2003 GAR ends, our intrepid crew finished in a valient 5th place, and the boss lady has vowed revenge on the continent down-under for next year.
Film at eleven............
Wally Whacho for World Radio.......
DUM............. DING..................... DONG.......................

We happend to sneak a copy of the broom crash evidence for you all to see!!

Email Chris with any ideas you may have for Pilot Activities!!

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